Jason's Pond: Season 1
by Aries Vincere
Summary: Oh noes! The last episode of Season 1! A mustread! Season 2 coming soon. [BBxRae][RaexBatman][JasonxDr.Pepper][RobinxCyborg][StarfirexEveryone else]
1. Welcome to the Pond

Welcome to Jason's Pond, my not-another-teen-drama story with laughs, tears, and pointless squabbles (accurate, yes?). I decided to take a short break from the drama/romance scene (I'll be back, don't worry), and try my hand at comedy. I've been writing this particular story for more than a week in a notebook for my friends to read; they've been making me write a chapter every day since. xD

Anyway, enjoy the story, and here's a nice, bold disclaimer to throw in so I don't get my ass sued.: **THE PEOPLE IN THE FOLLOWING STORY ARE REAL BUT HAVE GIVEN THE AUTHOR PERMISSION TO USE THEIR NAMES. -Jason**

PS- Stories are in my (Jason's) point of view.

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**Jason's Pond (Episode 1: Welcome to the Pond)**

cue theme music (Ready Steady Go! By L'ArcEnCiel), pan shot of the entire cast

Starring:

Jason: The sappy realist.

Mike: The Asian DDR freak.

Scott: Pepsi-powered sugarholic

Raven: Desperate, goth girl just trying to fit in.

Beast Boy: Class clown-with-a-hidden-secret-that-we'll-never-find-out-who-is-trying-to fill-an-empty-void-in-his-heart.

Robin: Typical, snobby "closet gay" jock.

Cyborg: Um, Robin's whore.

Starfire: Ditzy, popular girl.

Alex Nye: has a website named after him.

Aaron: that guy

Rob: that other guy.

Julian: that other, other guy.

Katie: "Get me out of this story!"

scene, Folsom High School, 7:42 am

Jason, Raven, Beast Boy, Katie and Starfire are waiting… for something to happen.

"Wow, I can tell this day is gonna suck. Every day sucks," Raven sighed, looking at the gray, misty sky. "God, you're always so negative. Lighten up!" Beast Boy said, giggling like a Japanese schoolgirl.

"Both of you shut it! I have a headache," I moaned, clutching my forehead. Starfire looked worried then suddenly had a smile on her face. "Don't fight guys! Here, try some of my pudding," she smiled, pulling out a bowl of purple-looking pudding.

"Who in the hell brings a bowl of pudding to school?" Beast Boy said, a puzzled look on his face. 'You're so hurtful!" Starfire screamed, throwing the bowl on top of his head, then prancing off. I took a finger and swiped it across Beast Boy, tasting it. "Mmm, it's a like bubbly strawberry/raspberry," I noted…

scene, Chemistry Class, 10:10am

"Omigod! You poor thing!" our teacher yelled as Beast Boy and I walked into the classroom. "What?" Beast Boy asked, annoyed. "You have a skin disorder!" "Um, no. Really. This is just how I am…" he said, rubbing his mint green-colored arm. Too late; our teacher was now sobbing. The rest of the kids surrounded us and started to cry, telling Beast Boy how brave he was. "Crazy CENSOREDers!" he screamed, running out of the classroom. It was a shame he forgot the stairs were there, and I heard him tumble down the whole length. 'Ugh, screw this," I said, banging my head against the desk, falling asleep…

scene, Auditorium stage, Lunch

"Hey everyone," Beast Boy said, wheeling up in a warped wheelchair. "Ouch," piped Scott, "fall much?" "No! … yes."

Suddenly, especially right at the wrong moment, Robin and Cyborg walked up, laughing about something that probably had no meaning whatsoever. "Hey losers! What's up?" Robin grinned evilly. "Go away, CENSOREDtard. No likes you, and you have no friends," Raven looked at him, eyes burning with rage. "Ooooh, frisky, are we?" Robin laughed, putting a hand on her shoulder. "You shouldn't have done that," she said, smiling, then grabbed Robin's hand, throwing the weakling to his knees. Robin started to cry and scream. "Awww, don't cry. I'm sure you've been in this position many, many times before." She twisted his arm and he screamed louder. "Say "I'm a bitch, Raven. I'm a little bitch."" Robin was crying very hard now and shook his head. "I'm a little bitch, Raven. Waaaaaaa!" Raven let go and the Boy Blunder ran up to Cyborg, hugging him. The two ran away like frightened schoolgirls, sobbing.

"Damn Raven," I said, wide-eyed. The girl sat down and began to read her book. "I'm done for the day." Beast Boy looked around, confused, then broke out his new Ipod Shuffle. "Where'd you get that?" I asked him. "Oh, the same place I get all my toys and such- the internet." He put on his headphones and began to groove, dancing around the stage. "I knew I shouldn't have given him those damn anime soundtracks," Mike said, shaking his head. "Fukitonde yuku fukei korugaru you ni mae e. Kurushi magure demo hyouteki wa mou minogasanai. Ate ni naranai chizu yakute shimaeba ii sa. Uzumoreta shinjitsu kono tenohira de tsukami torouuuuu..." sang Beast Boy, playing air guitar.

We all moaned, then laughed, you know, a whole-hearted fake laugh. The sun caressed our long, perfect locks of hair, fluttering in a pleasant breeze. We looked at the afternoon sun, feeling the warmth of friendship and love. "Owww, it burnssss!" I screamed, clutching my face...

Next time on Jason's Pond: Tensions flare as everybody picks who they want for the school dance. Hearts will break, tears will flow, and that damn ketchup bottle still won't open. See you soon!


	2. Love and Sugar Go Hand in Hand

(theme music, yada yada, shot of the cast, random shot of a tree, anddddd… we're good)

**Jason's Pond, Episode 2: Love and Sugar go Hand-In-Hand**

(scene: the next day, morning)

"Our group isn't the most popular. But does popularity really matter? It does in a world of fellow high schoolers who believe their whole lives are summed up in these short four years… if only they kn-

"Jason, who are you talking to?"

"Um, I haven't the slightest clue really."

"Idiot."

The others looked at me like I was Michael Jackson in heat, then shrugged, going back to a pointless conversation.  
"…chicken," Scott said, nodding. "No way dude; beef," Alex said, grinning. Beast Boy started to cry. "You heartless punks! You know Beast Boy's a vegan! Besides, tofu own-

"So, who wants to go to the dance with me?" Starfire interrupted, giggling. (SILENCE)

"C'mon, I know you boys want me." (SILENCE) "I got a limo!" (SILENCE) "There'll be tofu and Dr. Pepper!"

"We're in!" Beast Boy and I laughed, exchanging high-fives. "No!" Starfire screamed, "just one of you! I can't take you both!" "Hey, babe, it's double or nothing. Take it or leave it!"

"Fine, fine!" she said with a hint of terror in her voice. "But only 'cuz you guys, are like, total hotties!" "What you are smoking?" I asked with curiousity…

"Yo guys! I got a date to the dance!" Scott yelled happily, running up. "This is my new girlfriend, Cassandra. Say hi Cassie!"

"Um, Scott, that's a hobo dressed like a cheap French whore," said Alex, wide-eyed. "Hey you, I gots these here clothes at the Ross store!" the hobo yelled angrily at Alex.

"Shut up! You guys are jealous that my girlfriend is totally hot!" he sobbed. "C'mon Cassandra, we're leaving!"

"The name's Bob kid, but for half that sandwich, I'll be anything you want me to be."

The rest of us did a group shudder. "Poor guy," I said, scratching my head in confusion.

Meanwhile, Starfire had her hands around Beast Boy, smiling and tickling him. Raven looked over and saw this, boiling with rage. "Beast Boy is mine, you bitch!" screamed Raven, huffing. "Aww, you're jealous! That's so cute!" Starfire giggled. "What? Jealous of over-sized tits and an IQ of 7? Yeah, realllll jealous." Starfire also screamed and lunged at Raven, knocking her to the ground.

"Ooo, this should be a good one," I said, getting out a bag of pre-popped popcorn. The two girls started scratching each other, rolling down the stairs. For no apparent reason they were also ripping each other's clothes off. "Wow, they're fighting for you Beast Boy. Sweet," I said through a mouthful of popcorn. "They're both insane, and besides, I love Raven, not Starfire." (record scratch noise)

Starfire broke from Raven's headlock and looked up, surprised. "W-wh-wh-what?! You're so hurtful!" she sobbed, standing up, then prancing away in just a bra and thong, her saggy ass hanging out.

Raven stood up and grabbed Beast Boy. "I knew it! I knew it! We will be together…FOREVER! Wuahahahaha!"

"That's fine, but please, no more evil laughs; it's freakin' me out." "Well, now that Water Works is gone, I just we got dibs on the limo!" I said, looking at my friends.

"Nice. Wanna go make out?" Beast Boy asked Raven. "Well, of course; I'll be a good fictional character and do as the writer tells me." "What?" "Never mind," she said, pulling him to her.

We all brushed our hair away from our face in a sexy-like manner, then joined hands, skipping away into the sunset… "What the- school's not over!"…

-Jason's Pond: Season 1 will be available on DVD in early March- look for it in a Wal-Mart near you! Now review!-


	3. Hopelessly Devoted to You

Do I really need to explain this insanity?

**Jason's Pond**

Episode 3: Hopelessly Devoted to You, Dr. Pepper

(scene, Folsom High School gymnasium)

Ah, the wonders of a high school dance. A night of dancing, fun and mindless music. Life summed up into just four hours of…

"Jason, who the hell are you talking to?" Raven asked, slapping me in the face. I rubbed my cheek and started to cry into my hands. "Get over it," she sighed, handing me a Dr. Pepper. I did a happy dance and grabbed it, stroking the bottle. "I looooove my Dr. Pepper," I cackled.

"Looks like Jason forgot his medication again," Beast Boy said. "Shut up; I freakin' took my Lexapro… oh wait, that was a week ago. Teenage hormonal inbalance in 3…2…1…waaaaa! I'm so depressed!" I sobbed.

"Next!" the ticket guy said. Suddenly, a car shaped like a Hostess cupcake pulled up to the sidewalk, and Grey Rain, Emmery, blaze-firestorm, and Hikari-Moriyaku got out. "Hey guys!" I smiled, running up to the car. "That's the last time I give you two Doritos on a long car ride!" Emmery yelled at blaze and Hikari. "So, what are you guys doing here?" I asked. "You really think you get to have all the fun?" Grey giggled, doing a jig. "Oh, and we're here to eliminate the threats of Preps."

We filed into the gym, which was decorated with cheap, cardboard stars and streamers, which the school board expected us to admire with pride. cough Anyway, Beast Boy wasted no time grabbing Raven and running off to the dance floor. He started doing an 80s break dance routine and a circle of Preps surrounded him. "Look! A non-conformist! Get him!" one boy yelled, and the group of polo shirted snobs started after him. "Hold on BB, I know just what to do!" I yelled, running to the DJ booth. I popped in a CD, and "Rewrite" by Asian Kung Fu Generation started to play. "Argh, it burnsss!" the Preps screamed, clutching their ears.

Five minutes and multiple puddles of melted polo shirts later, we finally got the party started. Unfortunately, the dance floor was a grueling sweat shop of boys on girls, girls on girls, teachers on boys AND girls. Emmery, Grey, Hikari, blaze and I were dancing with a 2 liter bottle of Dr. Pepper. And of course, Starfire was humping everything in sight like a puppy in heat. Beast Boy and Raven were in the corner, nodding their heads to the beat of Linkin Park. "Um, I have to, um, go to the bathroom," I said nervously. I grabbed the Dr. Pepper and sprinted into the Men's room…

The four hours went by too fast and the last song came on, which was "Closing Time" by Semisonic. The eight of us joined hands and started to sing. "Closing time, one last call for alcohol, so finish your whiskey or beer. Closing time, you don't have to go home, but you can't, stay, hereeee." Batman, the cops from Super Troopers, the Snapple lady, Kenny Rogers, Matt Damon and George Lopez filed in, also joining the Love Circle. Then, the big finale:

"I know who I want to take me home!"

"I know who I want to take me home!"

"I know who I want to take me home!"

"Take…me…homeeeeeeee!"

Thanks for reading, now review, or Beast Boy has to shave his arm pits!

"_Aww, but I just grew those!"_

"_Too bad; it's up to readers!"_

"_Puberty is thy paineth in the asseth."_


	4. Super Anime Battle POW!

Author's Note: I am so glad everyone thinks Jason's Pond is enjoyable. If you have any ideas or comments besides a review, feel free to e-mail me or use my AIM (crispehtofu). Oh, also, people have been asking me is Folsom High School is real. Yes, it is; it is the only high school here in our medium-sized town of Folsom, California. Anyway, enjoy the next episode! –Jason

**Jason's Pond**

Episode 4: Super Anime Battle POW!

(scene, Titans Tower)

"Whew, what a night!" I said, plopping down on the couch. "Yeah, but it was fun," Blaze said from the doorway. "What the? Are you guys still here?" I said, kind of annoyed. "You're the one who brought us into the story!" Grey said, crossing his arms. grumble "Fine. Just don't eat my tofu or Beast Boy's either. There'll be HELL to pay…"

We wanted to watch a movie or play a board game, but Starfire was busy pleasuring Batman on the sofa, so we decided to go to bed. Emmery, Blaze, Grey and Hikari took the evidence room and the rest of us went to our own rooms. I was walking down the hall to my room when I heard noises from Robin's dwelling:

"Say it, my Boy Wonder!"

"No, please don't Cy-"

SLAP

sobs

"Ok, OK! I'm a little teacup, short and stout, here is my handle, touch my spout…"

"Now take the rubber chicken and-"

I shuffled away from the door in the fear of hearing more and vomiting. I entered the combo to open my door and walked in, yawning. I couldn't wait to go to sleep. I pulled down the sheets to my bed, only to reveal the lip-synching Ashlee Simpson!

"Like, hey Jason!" she cackled. "I'm here to take revenge for that incident you caused at my show!" "What incid-" I started to say, but then remembered…

-FLASHBACK-

(Saturday Night Live stage)

"Blah blah blah I'm a poser punk rocker watch me make millions in just secon-" screeched little Ashlee Simpson to the screaming 11-year-olds.

Jason stood backstage and was laughing cynically. "Time to pull to plug on her little show!" he said, holding a long, orange extension cord. He pulled it in one swift motion and the whole studio went pitch black, then flickered back to life. Ashlee stopped singing in fear, but the music kept playing, with her ugly voice still blaring through the speakers. "Noooo!" she wailed, running off the stage…

-END FLASHBACK-

"Oh yeah…I remember it perfectly now," I said, laughing. "That was fun." She charged at me, screaming like Oprah Winfrey finding out her favorite pie is all sold out. I dodged her pathetic attack easily, and kicked her legs from under her. She went flying to the floor, smacking her head against the carpet. I waited for the evil girl to get up, but she lay perfectly still.

"Wow, that was sad," I said, sighing. Everyone else had heard the commotion and ran into my room, looking from me to Ashlee, back to me again. "What the hell did you do to her?" Cyborg said, wiping sweat from his face. "Um, I believe I just killed Ashlee Simpson." "No shit, Sherlock!" Robin looked at me strangely. "Why do you hate Ashlee Simpson so much anyway?"

-FLASH EVEN-MORE-BACK-

I stood in the supermarket trying to find my favorite tofu, when a girl walked up next to me. We stood there for a couple minutes when the girl reached out and grabbed a box of the soy goodness. "Hey, I was looking for that!" I said angrily. "Haha, you snooze you lose kid!" the girl said. "You'll just force-vomit it into the toilet later bitch!" Ashlee Simpson gave me an evil glare and walked away, a stupid, snobby smile on her face…

-END FLASHBACK-

"Ok, this is getting really stupid," Emmery said, rolling her eyes and sighing. "No worries; I'm gonna call someone," I said, dialing my cell phone.

-TWO MINUTES LATER-

William Shatner appeared in the window, a stupid grin plastered on his face. "Hey Bill; got the body you wanted. Now where's the pure stuff?" has all your travel needs in one place!" Shatner said, throwing me a six-pack of Dr. Pepper straight the bottling plant in Texas. "Shut up, Shatner!" I screamed, pushing him out the window.

"Is it just me, or did this story make absolutely no sense?" Blaze said, crying into her hands. "Amen to that!" I said, doing the Twist with Columbian superstar Shakira…

_Well, review! I'm not paying you for nothing! Wait, what? My brain itches._


	5. St Patty's Day

(theme song)

(shot of Beast Boy crying like a little girl)

(random shot of a tree)

(and, we're good)

**Jason's Pond**

Episode 5: St. Patty's Day

What a beautiful day at Titans Tower. It was St. Patty's Day, and 8 days until my birthday! Things were starting to look up-

until Beast Boy walked into my room stark naked. "Why are you naked?" I asked incredously. "Well, this is the one holiday where my skin pays off, so why not show it off?" he smiled, putting his hands on his hips. "At least put some shorts on!" I yelled angrily. "Never!" he laughed idiotically, then ran out of the room, into a wall…

It seems everyone else had the spirit too. Starfire had elected to wear a green thong and even Raven had worn a three-leaf clover pin on her cloak. "Isn't today the best holiday ever!" I said excitedly. "Like I don't get enough green already," Raven said in a monotone voice.

Just then, Robin and Cyborg came up in matching green suits and green lipstick. "Like, we look adorable!" Cyborg gushed, and Robin giggled. "We are so cute!" I vomited into their suits and they screamed. "Ewwwww! Oh my Jesus!" they sobbed, running away like prancing schoolgirls to the bathroom.

Chemistry class was extremely boring and meaningless, as always. I knew I was going to fail, so I didn't even bring my binder for the class anymore.

"Jason, why are you such a bother to me?" Mrs. Guarienti sobbed, banging her head on the desk. "Why can't you be good like all the other students?" "Um, because I'm not a suck-up who laughs at your crappy jokes and does whatever you want?" I answered. The teacher started sobbing again.

Mrs. Gibson, my English teacher, is the coolest person around. "Happy St. Patrick's Day!" she said to our class. "I decided we're going to have a party!" She took out a couple of bottles of vodka and beer and started passing them around the class. "Um, Mrs. Gibson, I'm very uncomfortable drinking in class with you," a girl said nervously. "You bitch! Get out of my classroom!" Mrs. Gibson screamed, beating the sobbing girl with a yardstick ruler. The class cheered and we started to dance the monkey on our desks.

At lunchtime, Beast Boy and I performed a jig to a Flogging Molly song out on the patio area. I really didn't want BB's wobbly bodyparts touching me, so I danced about five feet away.

After school, we decided to head on over to our local Long's Drugs where I worked, and pick up a six-pack of Bud. My co-worker Sarah looked at us with a retarded glance. "Um, uh, you are over 21 Jason?" she asked. "Yeah, sure I am," I lied. "Ok, your total comes to eleventy-blue dollars," she said. I handed her a pack of Chiclets and left.

"Well, another idiotic day with idiotic people," Raven said, smoking a Malboro. "Smoking's bad for you, Rae," Beast Boy said, smoking a joint. "You hypocrite."

"Thank you." "You're welcome."

_Well, wasn't it great? No? Exactly. Look for my birthday special coming soon (my b-day's the 25th). :D_


	6. Belated Birthday Bash!

_You're better off not asking. Just, yeah. Don't ask. Please. _

**Jason's Pond**

Chapter 6: Belated Birthday Bash!

"Happiest of birthdays, frie-" Starfire tried to say, but was stopped when I pushed her into a trash can.

"Wow, someone's in a bad mood on their special day!" Robin giggled, prancing around like a fairy. "Wow, someone's about to get their neck broken!" I said with a maniac-like smile. Robin went pale and started to cry. "You're so hurtful!"

As I walked into the living room, streamers and balloons were everywhere, all saying "Happy Birthday!" Enraged, I grabbed the nearest streamers and ripped them down, stomping on them repeatedly. "It's not my birthday! My birthday was almost a month ago and you all forgot it!" I screamed.

Beast Boy came in holding a cake. "Yay! I made your favorite: Tofu vanilla! Mmm." I did one of my famous death glares and screamed again as my eyes rolled into the back of my head. "Don't celebrate my birthday late! It's pointless and stupid! Just forget it!"

moment of silence-

"Why don't you make a wish?" he said, smiling sweetly. "OK… I wish all of you would go to Hell!" I cackled, hoping that would piss them off.

"Yay!" they all said, clapping and smiling. I started to tremble and looked at them as if they were having a mass orgy with Rosie O' Donnell. "Whyyy?" I whispered. "Whyyy me?"

They started to slice the cake and pass presents towards me. "Open mine first!" Cyborg giggled with glee. I tore open the cheap-looking wrapping paper and saw a bottle of K & Y lube. "Oops…umm… that's mine," he said, sweat-dropping. "Here," he said, giving me another. I tore it open. Another bottle of K & Y. "Happy Birthday!" Cyborg shouted. "I hate you all so much!" I said, sobbing into my hands.

"Raven and I chipped in for this," Beast Boy smiled, pointing to a brand-new DDR pad. My eyes turned into cheap, red cartoon hearts and I ran over to it. "Wow, thanks guys," I said, "but it's not my birthday." They just smiled and clapped. Oh boy.

one writer's block moment later-

Red X popped into the scene, you know, magically. Yeah. "Hello Titans," he said in a voice that sounded quite like Robin's. I heard it was someone's birthday, so I hired my good friend to come entertain. Mike, come out please!" The next thing I knew, Michael Jackson popped into the living room next to X, putting powder on his face. "Oh, I love birthdays! They celebrate the innocence of a beautiful child growing older. Ye-he!" the pop star squealed, doing the moonwalk. "Sweet Jesus," I said, feeling very ill.

"So how old are you today Jimmy?" Michael asked, pluckering his lips. "I'm 17, and my name's Jason," I said, almost crying. The pop star stepped backwards in disgust. "Eww. Too old," he said, skipping out the front door.

"So, how was your birthday?" the Titans asked. "You're so hurtful!" I screamed, jumping out the window.

…

…

"Do you guys think we should have told him it was Belated April Fool's Day?"

…

…

"Nah."


	7. Dial T for Titans!

So, summer's here, and definitely in full swing here in California. The heat is unbearable at times, but with summer comes more time to write. I hope you readers enjoy this little parody of mine; it's been passed around by my friends for almost a year on a notebook with crude drawings and wrinkled papers. And now, chapter 7, now with extra summer chaos! –Jason

**Jason's Pond**

Chapter 7: Dial "T" for Titans!

"Damn, I thought I was over these hangovers," I said, too weak to get out of bed. My eyes wandered to ceiling, and being the deep thinker I am, I wondered why in the hell I was in a hospital surrounded by dead flowers and melted chocolates.

"I guess this is what Hell is like," I observed, moaning. Just then, Starfire came rushing into the room, wearing nothing but a thong and cheap perfume that made her smell like the cheap French whore she was. "OMIGOD! Jason, you're alive!" she said, clapping her hands. "Unfortunately," I groaned, wishing I really was in Hell. "What is going on? Why am I in a hospital? And why are you here, making me feel worse?"

Before she could answer, Beast Boy and Raven walked in. "Hey dude, you're finally up. It's about time," Beast Boy said, annoyed. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" I screamed, then screamed again at the pain in my throbbing head.

"You don't remember?" Raven asked.

"Remember what?"

"You've been in a coma for over two months!" she answered. I looked at her and figured she had found Beast Boy's hidden stash of pot. "You're lying," I said, laughing like a maniac. "You're all crazy! Crazy!"

"No, it's true. You jumped out of the tower and fell 17 stories and landed in a bush," Beast Boy summed it up nicely.

"Damn," I sighed, reality hitting me like a ton of bricks. "So, what did I miss for two months?"

"Nothing really; Jacko went free and some celebrities got married, then divorced, then started a reality show, then got featured in tabloids, then got married again," Raven noted.

"Wow. Say, can you knock me out again?" I asked politely, giving Beast Boy an aluminum baseball bat.

"Hell no; we've got stuff to do!" the changeling said.

"Yeah, Robin and Cyborg annexed the tower into a "gay adult toy store", whatever that is," Starfire thought out loud.

"You know what? Doing stuff sounds good. Still have that stashed vodka, Green Bean?"

"Don't call me Green Bean!"

"Sorry, Green Bean."

"Jason!"

"Alright, Green Bean. I'll stop."

separator separator separator separator separator separator separator separator separator

On the way out of the hospital, an old woman was screaming at the top of her lungs for help. "What's wrong, old lady?" I asked, running over to her.

"Oh, please, can you help me? My career's stuck in that tree and can't get down!" she said, crying. I looked at Beast Boy and he just shrugged. I started to climb the tree and a moment later saw a career sitting on a branch. I grabbed it and jumped down, landing on my ass. "Ow, my ass," I said observantly, rubbing it.

"Oh thank you! Thank you young man!" the old woman cooed, grabbing her career from me. "Hey, aren't you Joan Rivers?" Raven asked, looking the woman over. "Oh darling, yes I am!" she said.

"With all that plastic surgery, I didn't recognize you," I commented rudely, and everyone laughed. "Yes, I am quite ugly," Joan Rivers laughed along with us.

"So, what are you doing here?" Beast Boy asked. "Well, I decided to get more botox, so I waiting for my injection," she explained.

"Enough with the chit chat…where's my damn reward for saving your career?" I asked, holding out an open palm. "Superheroes havta to eat too, lady."

Joan Rivers smiled, and reached into her purse. A moment later, she placed a roll of breath mints in my hand. "There you go kids!"

I looked at the old bag and slapped her across her ugly face, which made the sound of a waterbed being slapped. "Bitch, don't insult my intelligence!"

"…or what's left of it," Raven laughed. Joan Rivers got up and I noticed I was holding a layer of her botoxed skin. I resisted the urge to vomit and threw it down on the ground.

"You'll pay for that!" she screamed, now looking about 23 years older. She lunged at my throat and I quickly side-stepped away.

"Um, a little help here?" I said to my two friends. "You're a big boy, you take care of this yourself," Raven said in an "I-know-everything" tone. "Damn you Raven," I said angrily, reaching into my hoister for my sword.

Joan Rivers jumped into the air and the second she was about to land her punch, I whipped out my sword and chopped off her head in one swift motion. Her old-woman body landed on the ground with an animated PLOP, and I stood in a ninja-stance, the sun glowing in the background.

"We Are the Champions" was playing in the background and it was starting to get annoying. "Where's that damn music coming from?" I asked angrily.

"Oh, sorry dude," Beast Boy said, turning off his stereo.

"So, what now?" Raven asked. "I'm hungry, let's hit Chipotle," I said. "C'mon Starfire; we're going!"

"Coming!" she yelled, waving good-bye to a naked Batman.

We joined hands and starting singing "Holiday" by Green Day off-key, skipping off into the cliché sunset.

_Join me next time at the pond. See ya!_


	8. Sugar, We're Going Strong

Wow, I have writing again! It's miracle! xD

So, I'm back and ready to redeem myself, and I'd like to thank you, my loyal fans, for being just awesome. This is the last episode for the season, which gives Season 1 eight episodes. Not bad, and Season 2 shall be on its way before you know it!

Anyway, let's get it on!

…

No, not in that way, you sick perv. xD

**Jason's Pond**

Chapter 8: Sugar, We're Going Strong

After the Joan Rivers incident, a lot of us had to start therapy because just remembering her botoxed evilness gave us serious nightmares. Not to mention, we had been skipping off into the same sunset for over two months.

"I'm so…hungry…and…tired," Beast Boy said, still trying to skip despite the fact that both his legs were broken. "I think we can stop now," I said, coming to a halt. The other Titans sobbed in relief and shouted to heavens. "You guys are such whiners," I said, smelling myself. "Oof! I reek! Shower time."

_One shower, hospital visit and a trip to Taco Bell later…_

"Well, we have to go back to school on Monday, and I'll be a senior. So, what you guys suggest we do to redeem the last days of summer vacation?" I asked.

"I think we should join a cult," Raven said, grinning evilly.

"Ooooh, no, remember what happened last time?" I asked cautiously.

-FLASHBACK-

"…Now, nibble on the goat's neck and chant the song of Bloodreign!" the hooded figure shouted.

"You know, that sounds really fun, but maybe we could just order out instead? I have a coupon," I said, waving it.

"No, you must fulfill the duties!"

"Um…no."

"Get him!" the figure said, the two other cult members came running toward us. It was then I noticed that the two figures were none other than the two guys from Wham!

"Ah, this is where the washed-up groups go," I said, scratching my chin…

-END FLASHBACK-

"Hmm, we could go see what Cyborg and Robin are up to," Beast Boy suggested. I looked at him for a moment then backhanded him. "Get your sense back?"

"Yeah, thanks," he said, rubbing his cheek.

"What about a trip to my favorite café?" Raven suggested once more.

-FLASHBACK-

"…so, like, that's why I hate life. God, I wish I were dead. Dead and gone…" the emo boy sighed.

…

"Worst story ever!" I exclaimed, stabbing him in the eye.

-END FLASHBACK-

"Nope. No thanks," I said. Just then, screams echoed through the street, most likely someone finding one of my stories on the ground, or maybe it was something else.

The three of us ran to the source of the screams and found singer David Bowie on the ground, rolling in pain.

"What's wrong, singer David Bowie?" I asked, helping him to his feet. "I'm not sure, I think someone attacked me."

"Who do you think it was?"

"Look, I don't know, kid. Obviously if I knew-"

We threw David Bowie to the ground and continued looking for the REAL trouble…

"Dr. Pepper! Get your ice cold Dr. Pepper here!" a vendor shouted on Blue Ravine Road, waving a bottle of the delicious nectar. I blinked slowly, and charged full speed to where the vendor was standing. "Hello son…wanna buy a Dr. Pepper?"

"Would I be standing here if I didn't? Gosh, friggin' idiot," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Alright, that will be five bucks kid."

I looked at the old man incredously, then in a swift motion, snapped his neck. As the man fell to the ground, I sighed. "Yeah, sorry, nothing personal. I just forgot my wallet."

Beast Boy and Raven were making out like no tomorrow. "You guys, I was only gone for like 4 minutes. Geez." The two Titans broke their kiss and followed me to my car, which I left parked in a lot over four months. "Well, at least I remembered this time," I said, sweat-dropping. We piled into the Accord and I started the engine, feeling strangely at peace. "Guys, I think we should just go to a park and watch the clouds go by…"

Beast Boy and Raven looked at each other, utter horror stamped on their faces. "Jason, what the fuck's wrong with you?" Raven screamed, curling up into a ball.

"I know what's wrong!" Beast Boy said, fear in his voice. "Jason's fallen victim of the Dog Days of Summer!" I just laughed and felt like donating sweaters to charity.

"Quick! Think of something!" Raven cried. Beast Boy hesitated, then suddenly went blank, a small smile creeping to his face. "Yeah, a trip to the park sounds very nice."

Raven screamed in agony.

With a smile still on my face, I cranked up my favorite band. "Summertime, and livin's easyyy…" Beast Boy and I sang, feeling the groove to Sublime's awesome reggae sound.

The Accord rumbled into the sunset…

No, really, I'm sick of sunsets…

The Accord rumbled into the concrete jungle that was Downtown Folsom. There, end.

(record scratch noise)

"Wait, whatever happened to Starfire?" I asked curiously…

_At Centerfold's…_

"Wooo! Take it off baby!" a drunken hobo named Cassandra yelled, raising his fists. Starfire wrapped herself around the pole and giggled.

_So, that concludes Season 1. Did you enjoy it? Too bad, there's more. Season 2 coming soon! -Jason_


End file.
